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As parents, we want to protect our children from pain and worry. But the truth is, life brings challenges—whether it’s loss, illness, divorce, or world events such as natural disasters, political unrest, or pandemics—and our kids look to us for guidance. Avoiding tough topics might feel like the easier choice, but it doesn’t really protect them. In fact, it can leave them feeling lost, worried, or even getting the wrong idea.
When we have open and honest conversations, we create a safe space for our children to let them express their feelings and ask questions. This not only helps them process their emotions but also builds the trust they have in us.
And as parents, we want to give a supportive environment where our children can share their thoughts and feelings without being afraid of being judged.
Finding the Right Moment
Timing can make a big difference. Choose a calm, quiet time when neither of you feels rushed or distracted. Some of the best conversations happen naturally—during a car ride, a walk, or bedtime.
Avoid bringing up serious topics when your child is upset or tired. Instead, look for moments when they seem open and curious.
Speaking in a Way They Understand
How you explain things should depend on your child’s age and emotional development. Younger children need simple, concrete explanations.
Instead of saying, “Grandma passed away,” you might say, “Grandma’s body stopped working, and she won’t be coming back.” Older kids may need more detail but still benefit from clear, straightforward language.
After explaining, ask, “Does that make sense?” or “What do you think about that?” to ensure they understand.
Encouraging Questions and Listening with Care
Children often need time to process new information. They may not have questions right away, but when they do, it’s important to welcome them. If a question catches you off guard, taking a moment before answering is okay. You can even say, “That’s a really good question—I want to think about the best way to answer it.”
Just as important as answering is listening. Let your child share their feelings without interrupting them. If they say something surprising or incorrect, resist the urge to correct it immediately. Instead, ask, “What makes you think that?” or “How do you feel about this?” This gives them space to express themselves fully.
Managing Emotions – Theirs and Yours
It’s natural for difficult conversations to bring up strong emotions—for you and your child. If they cry, get frustrated, or withdraw, acknowledge their feelings without trying to “fix” them right away. You might say, “I can see this makes you sad, and that’s okay. I feel sad, too.” If you find yourself getting emotional, that’s okay as well. By managing our own emotions, we can provide a calm and collected presence for our children during these challenging discussions.
Healthily showing vulnerability teaches children that emotions are normal. However, if you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath, count to ten, and tell yourself that it's okay to feel this way. These grounding techniques can help you stay present and calm before continuing. You want to give them comfort, not add to their stress.
Offering Reassurance Without False Promises
It’s tempting to say, “Everything will be fine,” but sometimes, we can’t promise that. Instead, offer comfort in a way that is honest and reassuring. Try saying, “This is hard, but we’ll get through it together,” or “No matter what happens, you can always talk to me.”
Children find security in knowing they are not alone, even in uncertain times. Let them know that while you may not have all the answers, you will always be there to support them.
Checking In After the Conversation
Complex topics aren’t always a one-time discussion. Check-in with your child on the days or weeks after your conversation. A simple “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about. How are you feeling?” can open the door for them to share more. Please pay attention to any changes in their mood or behavior, because this can be a sign they need more support from you.
If you noticed that your child continues to struggle, don’t think twice about reaching out to a counselor, teacher, or trusted adult for professional help. Some topics are heavy, and it’s okay and normal to get extra support when you need it.
Final Thoughts
Talking about difficult things with your child isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most critical parts of parenting. When you approach these conversations with honesty, patience, and empathy, you teach your children that they can always turn to you—no matter what.
Big Talks, Safe Spaces